Pick yourself up.... Dust yourself off.... And go again

So yesterday I got the results of my masectomy operation and the fantastic news is there was no cancer in either of my boobs! And the best bit of this whole experience, ringing Amy and Sam to tell them the news, I will never forget that feeling. I’ve just got to have 5 days of radiotherapy as a belt and braces approach in a few weeks time but that’s it, I can start to look forward. And on that note I bombarded my consultant with a very important list of questions littered with I’m sorry.... I know these are silly but...... Can I go on holiday after my treatment has finished?  To which she said yes absolutely you need one.  My consultant said I need one so I’m taking that as a holiday is a necessity and that Boris will be happy with my rationalisation. I’m off in July, everything is booked and I cannot wait.  When can I go in my mums hot tub?  Should I continue with my sugar free diet?  And yes of course..... What about alcohol? To which she said my cancer was de...

Pre op weight 10 stone 7lbs Post op weight 10 stone 3lbs Weight of boob lost 4lbs I know you’re thinking what a strange way to start this blog but I also know many of my friends have asked me this and want to know the answer! You may wonder why, but when you have big boobs you naturally carry more weight and I can confirm girls with big boobs can definitely take them into account when they are dieting. For all my big boobed friends you can stuff your faces tonight and thank me later for this revelation.  In other news the op! Following a fraught week ahead of surgery where my bloods weren’t playing ball and they talked about cancelling, I was so relieved to finally be in hospital. I was very lucky at the same time as my mastectomy to be able to have a reduction of my other boob. My consultant asked another surgeon to work with her so that they could do both for me in the allotted surgery time. So they both took a boob each!  Waking up to a different body was strange. I now hav...

Im sitting in chemo today for my 16th and final chemo. After 20 weeks I’d finally made it to the end of what has been a complete rollercoaster. I’ve lost my hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, nails and feeling in my back and face, all of which should hopefully come back! I’ve felt sick, ached, had shooting pains, hot flushes, chills, infections, ulcers, indigestion, skin rashes, headaches., extreme exhaustion, weeping eyes. But every week when I have been in Clatterbridge, despite not being allowed my family with me, I have had the amazing support of the chemo nurses. Ive been scared at times particularly with the first infusions and vulnerable and the nurses have made it all so much easier. Chemo is all about endurance. It’s about gaining enough strength physically and more importantly mentally to cope with the next one. Without the support of the nurses, family and friends you just couldn’t do it.  So here I am feeling like I want to shout at the top of my voice ‘last one’ but also very ...

I’d be lying if I said that the results of my gene tests had been on my mind for the last few months. Getting through chemo has taken all my focus. However as the day loomed closer it became all consuming. I googled all 4 genes and what the implications were including how many body parts I would have to have removed and obviously my key concern how and when the children would be tested and any implications for them. Two of the genes Brca1 and Brca2 are very much linked to breast cancer and ovarian cancer. The other two genes were more to do with cancer in younger people for which I was being tested because of Sam and Becky.  There’s nothing like an afternoon call for test results is there! Distraction techniques worked for most of the morning before I started twitching and by 1.01pm (one minute late) when the consultant hadn’t rung I was like a coiled spring. And it was worth waiting for! Dr Tom (now new BFF as he delivered the amazing news) told me that the four gene mutations the...

After 12 weeks of my first chemo drug I was so relieved to be moving on, despite the fact I’d been told the next two drugs were harsher. Taxol had finally caught up with me. After round 10 I had started having numbness and tingling in my arms and legs and aches and pains across my back and down my arms. Round 11 was worse and round 12 was a little bit frightening.  The whole of my back was numb and my face. Much like when you go to the dentist and they give you an injection to numb the area and it numbs your face. My eye also started twitching so I was winking at everyone (not many takers though for someone with no hair). I had to be careful in the bath as I’d lost sensation to heat so I gave those up for a few days ...... Pooh! It’s hard enough to bath with one arm hanging out all the time (I can’t get my picc line wet) without worrying if you’re scalding yourself too. Whilst I was nervous about starting my epirubicin and cyclophosphamide this week, I just wanted to get going and ...

In May I need to have a mastectomy. The margins when they did the lumpectomy weren’t good enough and this is the recommended next step after I have had chemo. Genealogy is yet to come back so a double mastectomy is currently not on the cards. So what choices do I have?  Reconstruction is available. I can take flesh from another part of my body and use that, the 4 areas being my back, my thigh or two different areas of my stomach. Great I guess if you want a tummy tuck but chemo hasn’t left me much spare.  I’m not sure making a boob out of another part of my body appeals, I don’t see the point of wrecking another part of my body. Plus I’ve spoken to someone who has and they now have pain problems in their leg where they had it taken from. I’m all for minimising pain and further issues after all this. The second reconstruction option is a fillet which equally doesn’t appeal but I can’t have this anyway. Becky always said to me do not put anything into your body for the purpose o...

Who knew a covid jab could be so exciting?! Whilst being in one of the top groups for a covid jab I would argue I’m also in one of the top groups needing a hug too. They definitely seem to go hand in hand. I’ll be honest covid has made this whole experience extra hard. We all know that when you are going through something life changing you need the extra support and love of your family and covid strips this away. Not being able to see my mum and have a mum hug, which as we know are very important hugs, has been extremely hard. Not least because of this latest hurdle but also because Mum and I are also still struggling with losing Becks. And then there’s the really hard realisation that I can’t even call Becks and I can honestly say in the last month the grief has been the worst yet. Becks was my rock, my partner in crime, the person i shared everything with, even thoughts that were irrational, scary or shouldn’t be spoken.  So with all this turmoil going on I guess the reality is I...