Ding a ling ling!!!!

Im sitting in chemo today for my 16th and final chemo. After 20 weeks I’d finally made it to the end of what has been a complete rollercoaster. I’ve lost my hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, nails and feeling in my back and face, all of which should hopefully come back! I’ve felt sick, ached, had shooting pains, hot flushes, chills, infections, ulcers, indigestion, skin rashes, headaches., extreme exhaustion, weeping eyes.

But every week when I have been in Clatterbridge, despite not being allowed my family with me, I have had the amazing support of the chemo nurses. Ive been scared at times particularly with the first infusions and vulnerable and the nurses have made it all so much easier. Chemo is all about endurance. It’s about gaining enough strength physically and more importantly mentally to cope with the next one. Without the support of the nurses, family and friends you just couldn’t do it. 

So here I am feeling like I want to shout at the top of my voice ‘last one’ but also very aware of feeling sad for those sat around me still going through it. I’ve heard that bell go so many times and dreamt it was me. Every single person I have met in chemo is a warrior. I’m sure subconsciously they pass you a sword and shield when you get diagnosed. And perhaps that is the best way of explaining it. It’s a real battle, fighting the cancer, fighting the mental anguish, with your army by your side. Everyone needs their army!

It’s a truly significant milestone in the treatment plan.  I knew I would feel emotional but its taken me by surprise how much.  I’ve had to immerse myself in my book for the chemo  as I haven’t got enough tissues (the world hasn’t got enough tissues) to allow my happy tears to run the whole session.

Well here goes they’ve taken my picc line out.  Tonight I can submerge myself in the bath without hanging my arm over the edge, full bubbles and splashing. 

As many of the nurses that can are gathering to come outside to ring the bell with me and the tears are starting! I’m so grateful to them all.

I’ve done it! Time to ring the hell out of that bell! F**k you chemo, you’ve had me for the last time!