Pick yourself up.... Dust yourself off.... And go again

I’d be lying if I said that the results of my gene tests had been on my mind for the last few months. Getting through chemo has taken all my focus. However as the day loomed closer it became all consuming. I googled all 4 genes and what the implications were including how many body parts I would have to have removed and obviously my key concern how and when the children would be tested and any implications for them. Two of the genes Brca1 and Brca2 are very much linked to breast cancer and ovarian cancer. The other two genes were more to do with cancer in younger people for which I was being tested because of Sam and Becky.  There’s nothing like an afternoon call for test results is there! Distraction techniques worked for most of the morning before I started twitching and by 1.01pm (one minute late) when the consultant hadn’t rung I was like a coiled spring. And it was worth waiting for! Dr Tom (now new BFF as he delivered the amazing news) told me that the four gene mutations the...

After 12 weeks of my first chemo drug I was so relieved to be moving on, despite the fact I’d been told the next two drugs were harsher. Taxol had finally caught up with me. After round 10 I had started having numbness and tingling in my arms and legs and aches and pains across my back and down my arms. Round 11 was worse and round 12 was a little bit frightening.  The whole of my back was numb and my face. Much like when you go to the dentist and they give you an injection to numb the area and it numbs your face. My eye also started twitching so I was winking at everyone (not many takers though for someone with no hair). I had to be careful in the bath as I’d lost sensation to heat so I gave those up for a few days ...... Pooh! It’s hard enough to bath with one arm hanging out all the time (I can’t get my picc line wet) without worrying if you’re scalding yourself too. Whilst I was nervous about starting my epirubicin and cyclophosphamide this week, I just wanted to get going and ...

In May I need to have a mastectomy. The margins when they did the lumpectomy weren’t good enough and this is the recommended next step after I have had chemo. Genealogy is yet to come back so a double mastectomy is currently not on the cards. So what choices do I have?  Reconstruction is available. I can take flesh from another part of my body and use that, the 4 areas being my back, my thigh or two different areas of my stomach. Great I guess if you want a tummy tuck but chemo hasn’t left me much spare.  I’m not sure making a boob out of another part of my body appeals, I don’t see the point of wrecking another part of my body. Plus I’ve spoken to someone who has and they now have pain problems in their leg where they had it taken from. I’m all for minimising pain and further issues after all this. The second reconstruction option is a fillet which equally doesn’t appeal but I can’t have this anyway. Becky always said to me do not put anything into your body for the purpose o...

Who knew a covid jab could be so exciting?! Whilst being in one of the top groups for a covid jab I would argue I’m also in one of the top groups needing a hug too. They definitely seem to go hand in hand. I’ll be honest covid has made this whole experience extra hard. We all know that when you are going through something life changing you need the extra support and love of your family and covid strips this away. Not being able to see my mum and have a mum hug, which as we know are very important hugs, has been extremely hard. Not least because of this latest hurdle but also because Mum and I are also still struggling with losing Becks. And then there’s the really hard realisation that I can’t even call Becks and I can honestly say in the last month the grief has been the worst yet. Becks was my rock, my partner in crime, the person i shared everything with, even thoughts that were irrational, scary or shouldn’t be spoken.  So with all this turmoil going on I guess the reality is I...

 I’ll be honest when the breast surgeon first mentioned genes I hadn’t even thought about genetic testing. Not sure why really, maybe too many years of just getting through diagnoses and treatments with family and then a need for normality in between. But when the doctor first mentioned it, I thought who am I kidding, of course.The list of cancer in my Dad’s side of the family makes like a medical cancer journal to be fair...... My Grandad- Colon Cancer My Dad - Skin Cancer (Although we never gave much thought to this as Dad also had early onset dementia and my sister and I always concerned ourselves with whether we should get tested for dementta. The skin cancer came later for my Dad and by then he was long past caring.) My Sister - Non Hodgkins B Lymphoma My Son - Wilm’s Tumor (Kidney Cancer) Me - Breast Cancer I’m thinking it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out there’s  maybe a link? And for those of you wondering what about the rest of the family, aunties and uncle...

Have you ever played Bubble shooter? I’ve literally been dodging covid bullets for the last 3 weeks. The bullets have been firing off and the protective layers below me have been falling away. But with three days to go I haven’t got the bullet myself! I’m now on the extremely clinically vulnerable list putting me into a heightened group that are more susceptible. Chemotherapy whilst killing the cancer cells can’t identify the good cells and manages to wipe out them as well. If you’ve ever wondered why chemo is given with sometimes 3 week breaks this is because your white cells, platelets etc need to have the time to recover in between. This makes you very vulnerable for a period of time.  Now is not the time to have a dodgy thermometer. At least once a day you have to to check and obviously if you are concerned more often. A temperature of 37.5c and you have to spend the night in hospital being monitored, IV antibiotics etc. When Sam had treatment he was going to school when he was...

I’ve left it a couple of weeks to share my chemo effects as I knew I would feel differently (well in total panic) for the first one and wanted to share a slightly less neurotic synopsis! My first rounds of chemo are a drug called placlitaxcel, or taxol is it’s street name (well affectionate ward name). I’ve got 12 weeks of this every week and I’ve done 3 so far, so I’m calling myself an expert now! Taxol should be fairly well tolerated which is just as well as I’m having it every week. I get the big boys mid feb. I’ve done a lot of reading on the benefits of fasting before chemo as it’s meant to help with the symptoms and also improve the effects of the chemo on any cancer cells and protect your good cells. I’m fasting for 24 hours before but haven’t told the doctors as not sure what they would think. Taxol can cause an allergic reaction so they pump you with antihistamines and steroids first for half an hour and then the infusion of the chemo takes an hour. They keep a keen eye on you...